Suggestions
Deborah Liu
Security programs at Meta
Commerce and Payments Product Manager at @facebook. Worked at @paypal and eBay in Payments and Buyer Experience. @stanford-university MBA.
Highlights
In 2016, my family bought a 10-seater dining room table. It was the perfect size as my inlaws had moved closer to us and my mom was living with us. We kept this huge table open and in the middle of our great room for years. But in the past year, we lost both my ILs and my mom. Last week, Jonathan was off to BC for his freshman year.
Suddenly the table felt huge table with empty seats. I folded down the leaves, thereby turning the 100” table into a 64” one—perfect for 6. I felt a sense of relief in no longer having all those empty chairs staring back at me.
However, my husband and daughters didn’t like the change and urged me to put it back the way it was. Slowly they are adjusting to our new life with a family of only 4 at home. Collapsing the dining table has been my way of saying good-bye those who are no longer with us.
Everyone has a table in their life that they have to face sooner or later. For one person it was getting rid of the swag from a toxic job that was sitting in the closet. For another, it was clearing out things from a long-ago hobby. These monuments to loss are universal.
𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 We are not good at paring. Our minds see that as a loss, and humans feel loss more than they feel gain. Whenever I ask David if I can donate or discard something from his parents, his first reaction is “No,” because he is still sitting at a table with empty seats. I want to collapse the table.
David sees each item I want to clear out as giving away memories of his parents; I am not sure how to combat that. We made an agreement - we will move into our new house (fingers crossed soon) and bring over the things that we need, then see what is left behind.
𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐰 If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider how you might be able to give yourself a fresh start - hit the reset button.
I was once at a company where we moved into a new building. All of the old meetings were automatically canceled and had to be manually readded. Suddenly, calendars freed up. This disruption in routine caused everyone to make an affirmative decision. Instead of being bogged down by old habits, we could consciously add back what we needed.
Hitting the reset button is often hard because we are worried about what we’ll lose. If you’re facing this resistance, take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
1.𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞? 2. 𝐈𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞? 3. 𝐈𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐰-𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞?
Letting go is challenging, even when we’re letting go of things that no longer serve us.
We all have dining room tables we need to fold down. So often we find ourselves looking into the past, but what if we could instead look ahead?
Ever wonder how you end up with a $17K emergency room bill for a few hours at the emergency room and an x-ray for choking on a radish? This chart may give you a hint.
In my fourth chart from my Ten Charts I Can’t Stop Thinking About, I share an image from someone who commented on my post about the accidental $17K ER bill. How much of healthcare is actually care? And how much is overhead?
Turns out that the costs are not coming from direct care but from the rise in administrators over time. We have grown the resources needed to administer care more than the people actually giving the care. This should alarm all of us. Families are one bad radish away from insurmountable bills.
My sister had a $7000 single person deductible when she was diagnosed with a detached retina. She and my BIL owned a small business, and while they had decent health insurance, the deductible was so high she pushed to get the cataract (which formed from the retina surgery) fixed just before the year end so she would not have to pay a separate deductible the the next year.
Health care costs are high in the US but outcomes are not necessarily better.
Source for chart: https://lnkd.in/gZQ4Ni-n All Ten Charts: https://lnkd.in/g3tdHbZf The $17k bill: https://lnkd.in/ggXg4zjn
